Adverts: 0161 709 4576 - Editorial: 0161 709 4571
Mail Order: 0161 709 4578 - Subs: 0161 709 4575 - Webteam: 0161 709 4567
Northwood House, Greenwood Business Centre, Regent Road, Salford, M5 4QH
JOKING ASIDE

Issue: 21/12/2018

More gems from past columns...

Now I lay me down to sleep

Now I lay me down to sleep,
The king-size bed is soft and deep.
I sleep right in the center groove
My human being can hardly move!
I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight,
And here is where I pass the night.
No one disturbs me or dares intrude
Till morning comes and I want food!
I sneak up slowly and it begins
My nibbles on my human's chin.
She wakes up slowly and smiles and shouts,
"You darling beast! Just cut it out!"
But morning's here and it's time to play
I always seem to get my way.
So  thank you, Lord, for giving me
This human person that I see
The one who hugs and holds me tight
and shares her bed with me at night!
(V. Martin, Chapel-en-le-Frith)

Wasps

Brian, the international dog judge and world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street.
As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye.
"Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"
Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make.
I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."
"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."
Brian, the world expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.
Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces,
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."
"I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant.
"If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."
Brian, The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.
Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head.
"I don't understand it", he says,
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"
"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant.............
..."I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."
(N. Mays, Doncaster)

Click the buttons below to toggle between issues

 

 1| 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21