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Issue: 02/08/2019

Do you have a funny story, photo, poem or joke?
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Star Turn

Venue in a flutter?

Some months ago it became necessary for us to find a bigger venue for our forthcoming Breed Club Open Show.
We did locate a venue in the required locality and the Club Secretary and myself went along to give it the once over.
Whilst waiting for the Booking Secretary to put in an appearance, as he was busy in a committee meeting, another member of staff related a story about a previous booking request they‘d had from another club.
Apparently the Booking Secretary had suggested they turn down the request because, and I quote: - “They would be fluttering all over the place and would get loose and lose control.”
She had replied, “What, such small dogs as Beagles! Besides, they would be on leads or in cages most of the time.”
To which he replied – “Oh, Beagles, that’s quite alright then. At first I thought you said EAGLES!”
I hope their show went well.
(D. Ledward, Oldham)


A farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all of his cows frozen solid.
As far as the eye can see are cows, motionless like statues. It had been a cold night, but he’d never thought anything like this would happen. The realisation of the situation then dawned on him.
With his entire livestock gone, how would he make ends meet? How would he pay his dog show entry fees? How would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay his mortgage? He sat with his head in his hands, trying to come to terms with his impending poverty.
Just then, an elderly woman walked by, “What’s the matter?” asked the lady.
The farmer gestured towards the frozen cows and explained his predicament.
Without hesitation, the old lady smiled and began to rub one of the cows’ noses. After a few seconds the cow began to twitch and was soon back to normal and chewing the cud.
One by one the woman defrosted the cows until the whole field was full of healthy animals. The farmer was delighted and asked what she wanted as repayment for the good deed.
She declined his offer and walked off across the field. A passer-by who had witnessed the whole thing approached the farmer.
“You know who that was, don’t you? He asked. “No”, said the farmer, “Who?”
long pause....... “That was Thora Hird!”
(M. Irish, Barton on Humber)

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