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JOKING ASIDE

Issue: 15/02/2019

Do you have a funny story, photo, poem or joke?
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Star turn
Love actually

To a dog an Ode
In contemporary mode
So no rhyme, scan or rhythm

Your bright eyes eager to live and love
Your patience while I chop the carrots
Your pleasure when the saucer is clean
Your reproach when the biscuits aren't there
Your grin from the middle of the duvet
Your tolerance of being bathed
Your wet tongue on my hand

But most of all
When you're on the other side of the road
and your collar and lead are still in my hand
is when I know how much you mean to me
(J. Mackman, Purley)


Veronique's Unique Critique

Veronique O'Bloggs is a bit different
She has suddenly risen to fame
A dog show judge mentioned her in his critique
Now everyone knows her name

It said that her girl was lovely
Beautiful head, earset and teeth fine
Balanced body, good jaw, lovely reach of neck
Flowing into a good topline
Fine condition, eyes most pleasing
Feet are all correct and good
Good show temperament, moved like a dream
I would watch her all day if I could

HOWEVER….. she could have been handled better
If you read this dear, I don't mean to hurt
Stiletto heels aren't the thing to wear in the ring
Likewise, a Nine Inch Mini-skirt

And you should not have wiggled like Marilyn Monroe
Or carried a make-up bag
And you shouldn't have pouted your lips at me
Or offered me a fag

When you first stood your dog and I said, "How old?"
You smiled shyly and said "Twenty two"
You shouldn't have hit me and said, "You are awful,"
Because I meant the DOG dear, not you

So go to ringcraft training, change your shoes
Get some comfortable gear
Who knows, sillier things have happened
We may see you at Crufts next year.

(If anyone has the unfortunate name of Veronique O'Bloggs, the use of your name is purely coincidental)
(J. D. O'Brien, Redruth) 

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