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JOKING ASIDE

Issue: 09/11/2018

More gems from past columns...

American adverts

FREE to good home Rottweiler, Shepherd, 3 years old, female, spayed, very intelligent, loves to eat live rabbits and kittens. Loves to play ball with kids.
FOUND. Dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. It's been out awhile. No collar. Better be a reward.
(M. Atkins, Gloucester)

Dog Crazy

Everyone we know thinks we've totally lost our minds
We used to be so "normal" in their eyes.
But nowadays we've left good old normality behind -
We're into dogs and there's no compromise.

The dining out and partying of those days not long ago
Have had to take a back seat recently.
'Cos most weekends we're on our way to yet another Show
"But we'll get together soon - HONESTLY!"

The dresses and the suits that would be our weekend wear
Have been replaced with slacks and trainers for the Show.
And best of all we don't even have to worry about hair -
We're covered in it - literally HEAD to TOE!
(T. Burke, Glasgow)

Piles of fun?

Many years ago I attended an Open show where my breed, Samoyeds, were scheduled. Quite a group of us congregated in the grooming area, waiting for our classes to begin. When the call came over the tannoy we automatically began walking to our ring . but it wasn't until we were halfway there that we realised what we had just heard . "All haemorrhoids to ring 6 please, where your judge is waiting". Hmm, very apt!
(B. Stalford, Woodbridge)

Marigolds to the rescue

One of my 'behaviour' clients last week informed me she had been up to her elbows in dog muck - literally!
She had been sifting through every deposit for four days of her young male chocolate Lab.
Apparently the dog had jumped up and grabbed a chain holding an expensive diamond hanging round her neck.
She heard the crunching noise as the little horror tried to chew the diamond, and though she got the chain back, the diamond had come out of the setting.
She feared the worst and out came the Marigolds!!
Fortunately it all turned out well - after all that messing about with muck, she found it in her Dyson - the dog had spit it out without her noticing it!!
(S. Rawlinson, Hampton)

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