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Issue: 05/08/2016

Star Turn

How to prepare for having a new puppy
*Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark.
*Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender.
*Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain and dark saying, "Be a good puppy and do wee wees - hurry up now!"
*Cover all your best suits with dog hair. Dark suits must have white and light suits must have dark. Also some hair in your first cup of morning coffee.
*Play catch with a wet tennis ball.
*Run out in the snow in your bare feet to close the gate.
*Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scattering clothing all over the floor.
*Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that is where the dog will drag it anyway (especially when you have company).
*Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favourite TV show and run to the door shouting, "No NO! Do that OUTSIDE!" Miss the end of the program.
*Gouge the leg of the dining room table several times with a screwdriver.
*Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning, and do not try to clean it up until you return from work that evening.
*Take a warm, cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around yourself. This is the feeling you get when your puppy falls asleep on your lap.

Hear no evil, speak no evil…


(J. Waller, Gravesend)

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