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Issue: 20/01/2017

Star Turn
Well groomed

This is a true story: When I was in my early 20's I had a mobile dog grooming business.  One of my clients had two Springer Spaniels, which she regularly used to book in to be professionally 'done'.  During one of my visits I happened to mention my Dobermann's coat loss, which was being unsuccessfully treated by my vet.  She recommended her vet and, as he was a personal friend, said she would ring and discuss the possibility of him taking over the case.  I duly went along for the appointment she had arranged.  When I introduced myself the vet grinned and went a little red.  Whilst examining my dog he enquired,  "I hear you have an unusual job.... do you enjoy it?"  "Yes" I replied, "especially now I visit clients in their own home - it's so much more personal."  He looked both shocked and a little amused by this.  "In fact", I continued, "could you put one of my cards on your notice-board?"  He looked horrified and stuttered that it was unlikely that I would get any custom from his waiting room.  Never the less I persevered, saying, "Well even if I only get one client it would be worth it."  "NO NO" he said, "I really don't think this is a suitable place to advertise."  I was really determined now and handed him one of my cards saying firmly "They're only small and wouldn't take up much room surely."  "Oh" he exclaimed as he read the card, "You're a dog groomer!" and added involuntarily, "Mrs Healey said you were a stripper!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(S. Pennington, Ormskirk)
Eye eye

The inexperienced male exhibitor, having entered his Valhund under a judge he knew nothing about, was surprised to find the judge to be a young and gorgeous redhead, to whom he was immediately attracted.  Whilst the judging of his class progressed the man pondered the possibility of asking the judge out - was it against Kennel Club regulations for example?  
Suddenly the judge sneezed and her glass eye flew out of its socket towards the man.  As the eye came sailing across the ring, the man's dog, with wonderful reflex action and not a little agility, leaped into the air and caught the eye, then, to much applause from the onlookers, neatly presented it to his owner.  'I'm so sorry,' gasped the judge, gratefully taking back her eye and popping it back in.  'Please let me invite you to dinner tonight to make up for it.'  
Naturally the exhibitor accepts and they have a wonderful meal together, after which the woman invites him to the theatre, followed by drinks.  After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a night-cap ... and stay for breakfast.  
The next morning she cooks him a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.  The man is amazed!  Everything has been like a dream!   'You know,' he said, 'You are the perfect woman - are you this nice to every new exhibitor you meet?'  'Of course not,' she demurred, 'Your dog just caught my eye!'

(P. Dawes, Alfreton)

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