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Never trust a dog with
ginger eyebrows …
The dog in question being a blanket black and tan bloodhound - Lizzy; I could fill reams with tales of her exploits but will confine myself to this tale.
Lizzy was a terrible thief. Not just food but cigarettes, credit cards, well anything she could get her floppy jaws around.
The point of this thievery was not ownership but the game of us having to get whatever it was off her.
She would announce the start of the game by parading up and down in front of us with her stern erect. If we ignored her she would growl then run off. If this got no response she would stand in front of you with her lips open in a perfect O giving a tempting glimpse of what lay within.
On a particular Sunday my in-laws had come to us for Sunday lunch. Despite founded warnings my mother in law would put her bag on the floor. I was in the kitchen cooking from the Graham Kerr school and aware Lizzy had announced the game was on. However, I was too busy and totally ignored her.
Some time later I walked the vegetable peelings down for my horse at the bottom of the garden. Lizzy was sitting under her tree sulking. As I walked back to the house, in a final attempt to get my attention, she did the O.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Grinning at me out of the big floppy jaws was a perfect set of human teeth!
Well they were run under the tap and popped back in mother-in-laws bag. Not sure how I managed not to laugh when she got them out to eat her lunch though.
(J. Parker, Maidstone)
If I didn’t have dogs!
I could walk around the patio and garden barefoot in safety.
My house could be carpeted instead of tiled and laminated.
All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture, and cars would be free of hair.
When the doorbell rings, it wouldn't sound like a kennel.
When the doorbell rings, I could get to the door without wading through fuzzy bodies who beat me there.
I could sit on the couch and my bed the way I wanted, without taking into consideration how much space several fur bodies would need to get comfortable.
I would have money ... and no guilt to go on a real vacation.
I would not be on a first-name basis with 6 vets, as I put their yet unborn grand kids through college.
The most used words in my vocabulary would not be: Out, sit, down, come, no, stay, and leave him/her/it ALONE.
My house would not be cordoned off into zones with baby gates or barriers. My house would not look like a playschool, toys everywhere.
My pockets would not contain things like poop bags, treats and an extra leash.
I would no longer have to Spell the words B-A-L-L, F-R-I-S-B-E-E, W-A-L-K, T-R-E-A-T, S-Q-U-E-A-K-Y T-O-Y, C-A-R, D-O-G-C-L-U-B
I would not have as many leaves INSIDE my house as outside.
I would not look strangely at people who think having ONE dog/cat ties them down too much.
I'd look forward to spring and the rainy season instead of dreading "muddy" season :-
I would not have to answer the question "Why do you have so many animals?" From people who will never have the joy in their lives of knowing they are loved unconditionally by someone as close to an angel as they will ever get.
How utterly EMPTY my life would be!
(N. Mays, Doncaster)
Two little pigs
Two little pigs were talking one day on the farm. Porky pig asked his friend, “What are you going to be when you grow up?”
“I’m going to grow up to be a big, fine, handsome hog!” his little friend replied.
“Mmmmmmmm..” said Porky ..”Then what?”
“Well, after that ..” his little friend answered, “I’m going to live in Wales and practice every day at climbing those steep and rocky hills.”
“…and then?” asked Porky.
“After that, “ he said, “I’m going to live on the border of France and Spain.”
“Whatever for?” enquired his friend, Porky.
……… w a i t f o r i t ………
“Because I’ve always wanted to be a Pyrenean Mountain Hog!!”
(L. Ingham, Smethwick)