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JOKING ASIDE

Issue: 06/10/2023

Dog the judge would most like to take home?

Whilst judging the ‘Dog the judge would most like to take home’ class at a recent Companion Dog Show I asked a young lad if I might take his pretty little Terrier bitch home with me.
“Oh no!” he said, “She’s my favourite.”
The, after thinking for a moment he said, “We’ve got one at home that bites – you can have him if you like.”
(B. Taylor, Manchester)

Talking dog for sale

A guy is driving around Liverpool and he sees a sign in front of a cottage that says: “Talking Dog For Sale”.
He rings the bell and the owner, Frank, tells him the dog is in the back garden.
The guy goes into the back garden and sees a Boston Terrier sitting there.
“What’s your name?” the man says.
“Hurricane” the Boston replies.
“So you can really talk, what’s your story Hurricane?”
The Boston looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was very young, and I decided to use my gift for the benefit of others.
I wanted to help the government so I told MI5 about my God given talent and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.  But the jetting around really tired me out and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and, to be truthful, I wanted to settle down.  I then signed up at the airport for a job to do some undercover security work, which was mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
Mind you, I uncovered some incredible dealings and a hell of a lot of criminals have been convicted and gone down for a very long time because of the information I passed on.
At the personal invitation of the monarch I travelled to Buckingham Palace last year and was awarded a stack of medals for services to Queen and country by Her Majesty, and I met a couple of the corgi’s while I was there too.
After that I got married and had lots of puppies and settled down.
I’m retired now though and I just laze about in the garden – at my age I don’t feel guilty for relaxing and doing nothing, I enjoy it.”
The guy is amazed.  He goes back in and asks the owner, Frank, what he wants for the dog.
Frank says, “Ten quid.”
“This dog is so amazing why on earth are you selling him so cheaply Frank”, said the guy.
“Because he is nothing but a b***** liar …. he’s never been to Buckingham Palace in his life.”
(Anon)

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